You’ve Got to Create Yourself From the INSIDE OUT… Not the Outside In

Kelly Hatfield: 00:00:00

Welcome to the missing secret Podcast. I'm Kelly catfield

John Mitchell: 00:00:03

And I'm John Mitchell. So our topic today is, you've got to create yourself from the inside out, not the outside in Kelly. What do you think about that you buy that?

Kelly Hatfield: 00:00:17

I do buy it. I'm excited to dig into it. It's a and it's, it's just interesting the tie we're in right now as we dig into this topic, how I see so much of society is building it from the outside in. And so I think this is such a great topic to dig into today,

John Mitchell: 00:00:33

Right, right? Well, we touched on this a little last week. So I do this program for the 18 head coaches at University of Texas, plus the 75 people in the the athletic department, where I do a personal growth program every week, and I give them a podcast that I think is has something to do with the mental side of life and mindset. And so I was telling the athletic director, who just got voted athletic director of the year, and I was telling him, I said, you tell me the books that you're really into, and I'll go find a podcast where the author is on it, because anybody that's got a book is on podcasts. And so he tells me about this book called inner excellence. And the essence of this book is he says that, again, most people are creating themselves from the outside in, where social media and what other people think is what shapes who they are. And I'm like, That is so true, first of all, and second of all, what a lousy way to live and be shaped.

Kelly Hatfield: 00:01:47

Yeah, I think that. What is it? What did they say? The comparison is the thief of joy, yeah?

John Mitchell: 00:01:52

Yeah, I never heard that, but I like it well. And think about this, all any of us really want is inner peace and to live our life confidently. Would you say that's true? Yep, absolutely. I mean, foundationally. Yeah. He says, a great well, this is a little bit of of him and a little bit of me, but, but probably mostly him. But he says, Everything starts with gratitude, which promotes inner strength, which leads to mental toughness, which leads to achievement, which comes back to inner peace and gratitude. You know, think about that loop. Is it you grow first of all. So everything starts with the desire for inner peace and living confidently so simply. That's That's what our goal is. And so that starts with gratitude. You agree with that

Kelly Hatfield: 00:02:56

I do, because I think gratitude like when you're comparing, and you're living from the outside in. We're thinking about the the future, you know, oftentimes, or the past or whereas gratitude brings you right into the moment and here now. So when you're being grateful about something, you're you're getting present and being in the here and now, what, what's happening now versus, you know what you call it, what you don't have, what you should have, what you you know what I mean.

John Mitchell: 00:03:23

It's almost the opposite of gratitude when you're thinking about what you don't have, what you should have, exactly, right? Okay, so, so we we start with gratitude, which then produces inner strength. By God, we got to have inner strength, because life is going to have his challenges, and how, how much inner strength you have will dictate how you handle the challenges, right?

Kelly Hatfield: 00:03:50

Yep, and I think so when I think about, then gratitude, and I'm just thinking about, because this is the first time we've talked about this concept, so I'm just processing it. So okay, we'll use, you know, going through something challenging, you know, in your life. And we talked about this before, but I was a worrier that was part of like my my prior identity, was that I worried a lot, you know, which means that you're spending a lot of time in the future thinking about things that 99% of the time will never come to pass.

John Mitchell: 00:04:19

But don't you think a lot of women are that way.

Kelly Hatfield: 00:04:21

I don't know about that, but probably because we're nurturers, we're problem solvers, we're, you know, but so I would be in that place of worry, and part of me using this methodology to break myself of that subconscious pattern that I had right was to immediately when I'm triggered, you know, and worry to immediately trigger to gratitude. So to start thinking about so let's now have a problem in business, and I'm like, Oh my gosh, the sky is falling, you know. Then I'm triggering, triggering immediately to what I'm grateful for, you know? And it could be as simple as, you know. Let's start with the basic foundational thing, which is that I'm above ground.

John Mitchell: 00:05:00

Right, right?

Kelly Hatfield: 00:05:02

Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, a perspective, you know? So, so that gratitude piece. And then through doing that, I immediately am starting to feel better when I'm thinking about All right, so this thing isn't going well, but here all of the the things in your life that you have to be grateful for, or that you've and so through building that, then it's building what you're saying. Then is it, is it's building that mental toughness? Is that what you're saying by going through that process of being grateful, you're building that mental toughness muscle?

John Mitchell: 00:05:35

Yeah, you know, I don't know if you experienced this and I, and I don't remember when, when I really experienced this, but it, I think it was in my my 40s, I finally realized all you can control is, is your best. Just do your best. And in the vast majority of cases, when I do my best, whatever the challenge is, it works out. So what's the point of worry? Is totally useless. And once you sort of and that that ends up being, you know, a foundation for for confidence, when, when you can go, Hey, all I got to do is do my best and not worry about what's going to happen. Yeah, there's, there's going to be challenges, and maybe what I think is going to work getting into work. But if that doesn't work, I'm just going to take it as feedback and get back on the horse and figure out another angle. And once you get to that point, mentally, boy, it is. It is a good place to be, because you really see it in that belief that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to, and you're you're realistic with that, but that is a good place to be, whereas I see that most people who are getting created from the outside in are operating from the standpoint of of, I'm not enough. I'm not good enough. That negative inner voice is pounding at them. And, of course, it, it is if, again, you're created from the outside in where, where you're watching Social Media, and you see all the things that you're not, and your people are telling you to be this and be that

Kelly Hatfield: 00:07:18

You should be further along. I should go like I'm behind, I'm or right, like I this is, you know, this i, this didn't go the way I wanted it to. I failed. You know, those, all of those kinds of things contribute to that

John Mitchell: 00:07:30

Right, right? Well, and, and, you know, that's a great point. You know, I should be further along than I am. Yeah, wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're as far as long as you're supposed to be at this moment. Yeah, if you get smarter and go, Okay, I'm where I am, like it, don't like it, but I'm where I am. And if I don't like my results, why don't I come up with a new way of doing life? I mean, that's essentially what I decided at 50, you know, this, this way of doing life that I had, which was, like everybody else, more or less winging life. I'm like, Okay, it's produced the average life and and I'm grateful for, you know what I have, but it's, it's unacceptable. And I saw that that at 50. I'd had it. Now it's watching this. I think I mentioned this a couple of episodes ago. Jim Rohn has this video of he says, You gotta get to the point where you go. I've had it just at it. And because until you get to that point, you're not willing to to change things. And I remember when I got to that point at 50 and and feeling that way about the average life, that I'm like, Boy, I've had it and, and so if I've had it, I can't keep on doing life like I've been doing it and. And so what's the solution? I didn't know what the solution is, but that that's what spurred me to think that the solution might be in the topic of the world on success, but I see once you sort of get that through your head that you ready to go to another level and and maybe you Need a new way of of doing life, or maybe, maybe you just need to double down on what you're you're doing. If it's, yeah, more than likely it's you need a new way of doing life, because, again, 99% of people are, are just winging life. But I see what a difference it makes once you sort of create mental strength and mental toughness, and you start believing that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to, and you you understand what doing your best is and and you accept failure as just

John Mitchell: 00:09:52

feedback. I mean, once you start rolling from that standpoint, life gets a whole lot easier. Yeah, well,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:10:00

Yeah, I think you know, when you're talking about the, you know, living from the outside, and so you're getting feedback, let's say you're on social media, you know, and you're seeing somebody who's further you know, that you went to school with who's further along, or things seem to be going great, or they're married and they have kids and you're not quite there yet, or whatever the case may be, or her business is thriving and you're struggling a little bit, or whatever the case may be. First of all, let's get real with what you're seeing. That those snapshots on social media right are exactly that. They're a snapshot of a best moment versus what oftentimes is actually happening in people's lives. Everybody's messy so you know, and then it's so instead of, you know, when you're talking about living from the inside out and going to that place of gratitude, then that may look like so if you see, let's say that somebody's business is doing great, and you know, you've just had a failure or whatever, right? Then I'm, you're even grateful for that. You know where I'm like, Yeah, you know I'm super grateful. You know that I'm having the challenges that I am right now. You know I'm grateful for these challenges, and as difficult as they are, I know that you know what I'm learning as a result of going through, that this is going to make me that much stronger and successful, and then in the next project or the next, whatever the case may be. So I think too, part of your identity, being that grateful person that can frame things and recognize that failure is, you know, it's just more information, you know, right? But I think it's to the your point that you're making with it, starting with gratitude. And that's the place where you become mentally strong. You know that that's where you can change the kind of aperture of the lens you're looking through, you know, is in the place of gratitude, where you can find that, even in some of the challenges, or

Kelly Hatfield: 00:11:45

somebody you know, is, you know, further along than you are, or whatever. It's like, okay, well, first of all, is that true, really? You know, right? Well, like you are where you are, to the point you were you made earlier. Where do you want to be? You know? And now, you know, it's like, okay, now I can map out the, you know, forward, and I'm really grateful for where I am, because I feel like I'm ready to go to the what the next step is, or and so again, as we're talking about this and making those connections between gratitude and mentally strong, I think that's part of what we're trying to say when we're talking about being grateful, right, and Living from the inside out, right?

John Mitchell: 00:12:21

Well, and I think it's so simple, you know, if you're just not happy with where you're at, I mean, it's so simple, you just step back and go, Okay, here's where I am, here's where I want to go. What's it look like to get there? You know, figure all that out and and then feed that to yourself every day. You know, here's the attributes I want in myself, here's the goals I want to have, here's how I can achieve them. Feed that to yourself every day, including the actions that that are required to to achieve those goals. And two things happen. First of all, the right actions happen automatically. But secondly, by feeding it to yourself every day, you're refining it, and you're understanding it at a deeper level. And I'll tell you one thing. I was listening to NPR radio this this weekend, and the guy was talking about how disparity between the the rich and the poor, the income distribution in this in this country. And it made me think. And I asked you this question, what do you think the biggest difference between the people that are rich and the people that are poor is, besides, ready?

Kelly Hatfield: 00:13:40

Yeah, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what it

John Mitchell: 00:13:42

Well, here's what I would see. So if you had 100 rich people and you had 100 poor people, and you had them all in a room and you talk to them, what you would see is the difference is mindset. People that are successful have the attitude that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. They have a mechanism for dealing with failure that, okay, this didn't work. That's feedback. I'm going to try it differently. And the people that have failure or people that are poor have very much a victim mindset. Oftentimes, they don't feel in control of their life that other factors are controlling them, and it is mindset, and that's why I think that the people that struggle with, how do we how do we change the income gap between the haves and the have nots. It's got to start with mindset, and so I'm not too worried about trying to to change the world from that standpoint, because that's a big that's a big lift. If I was 20 years old, I. Might be interested in that, but not as old as I am, and my attitude is eight, that's fine. I'm gonna take the people that understand the concept that the difference between the rich and the poor is mindset, and at the end of the day, that comes down to your morning routine. What are you doing in your morning routine to impact your mindset. And I promise you, the people that are poor are doing a friggin thing about their mindset. They're just getting up and and trying to get through another day. And I get that it's a struggle, yeah, but the Enlightened will see, oh, so the difference between the rich and the poor is the thoughts that are going on in their ad on an ongoing basis. Maybe I ought to maybe out of program myself to have the right thoughts, because if you're not proactively doing that, you're wired for survival. So innately, you're going to be wired to be fear based and reactive and feeling of not enough, and all the things that are not going on with the people that are successful. You think that's true?

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:10

Yeah, I think definitely. I think it's part in simplifying it down to the two. I mean, that makes perfect sense. You know, the difference between, right? You know, that makes perfect sense, you know. And you could argue all of the reasons why the mindset is the way it is, and you know all of that. But I think if you're again to distill it down to something very simple, mindset plays a major part, you know, in someone's success,

John Mitchell: 00:16:33

Right, right? You know, we touched on it last time you touched on it, which I think is a great point about how people's identity dictates, essentially, the actions they take. Would you delve into that a little bit, because it's such a good concept,

Kelly Hatfield: 00:16:50

Yeah. Well, I think yeah. And in the relation to what we were talking about last week, you know, it was kind of like that fine final point that we were talking about, but like, literally what you believe to be true about yourself. You know is how you show up in life. You know, you know. And I think that, you know, I'm always, you know, with some of my core values as a individual, you know would be, you know that I always do what's right. You know, I will always take the, you know, the high road and do what's right. You know, I always keep my word I do what I say I'm gonna do. So like, those are some of the basic tenants that I operate from, from a life standpoint, that show up, that show up in everything I do, it's important to me to make people feel seen and heard. That's a close value to me. So I I go through the world with that. You know, as how I show up in the world. It's part of my identity, you know. And I think that you know to the point you were making about the difference between, you know, people who aren't successful and people who are, you know, is, I think again, all about their identity. If you if you identify as somebody who things always go wrong for me, right? You know what I mean? I'm all like, I can never catch a break, you know. And like, if you're going through life that way, that is exactly like, that is your identity, and that is how people will treat you. That is the energy that comes the you know. So identity plays a huge role. And for me too, I like, I'll distill it down to business into my health, and to my where I'm like, Okay, I'm an athlete, so I'm going to eat like, one, I'm going to train one, I'm going to, you know, so your identity, um, is directly connected to how you move through this world, the actions you take, your behavior, and then it just continues to expand from there,

John Mitchell: 00:18:39

Right, right? Well, I think, I think we've, we've enlightened people that. And maybe the the main thing I wanted to convey is that your morning routine dictates whether you're just winging life or you have an actual way of doing life, and what the right morning routine for you is is up to you. Maybe it's praying, maybe it's meditation. I personally think that what could be a better morning routine than feeding the succinct articulation of your desired life to yourself each day? But I'm a little biased. You got to decide what's what's best for you, but stop winging life would be my my advice to people, if they're if they're not doing anything in their morning routine relative to mindset. So until next time, we'll talk to you do.