The Movie ‘Book Club’ – The Perils Of Aging

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once we learned it, our lives were transformed. And once you

learn it, watch what happens. Welcome to think Be it the

podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.

Hey. And I'm John Michell. So today we're going to

talk about the movie, The Book Club. Now, they have a new

version of it out that's in Venice, but but I'm talking

about the original one that was done. I don't know three years

ago had Jane Fonda. Diane Keaton, Candice Bergen and

Mary Mary students. steenberge.

Yeah, yes, that's right. And so is interesting. So

a week or so ago, I don't know where ginger was, but But I

decided I wanted to watch a movie. And so I'm like, I bet

that'll be pretty interesting. And you know, to set the stage

here, the story is that you've got these four different women,

one's a federal judge, one. Jane Fonda owns a big hotel. One's a

chef, and one, her husband just died and semi successful. And so

but in all of their cases, their the intimate side of their life

has ended. There's no sex, there's no intimacy, and, but

they're all sort of functional, and they're having their life.

And one of them, they had this book club, and they read a new

book every month. And so one of them suggests they read the book

50 Shades of Grey. Have you seen that book or

not? I've not read the book. I saw the movie,

though book club, when it came out, like three years ago,

as a free hot movie. Anyway, so they're,

they're reading the book, and it, you know, let's say

stimulates them to open up that side of their life. And they all

go and have an affair of some sort. And I'm watching it. And

of course, I'm why looking at it from the lens of think it, be

it? And I'm like, Well, why is that happened that that whole

side of their life has, has gone dead. Sort of probably, over

time, you know, it's happening, slowly, but surely, and maybe

not even consciously. And again, all the women are in their late

60s, early 70s. And I'm like, boy, I see this. So clearly.

They have nothing that is pulling their life forward in

the direction, they want it to go. They're just getting up

doing what they always do. And, and because they have no mindset

practice, each morning and their morning routine. They're wired

for survival. And, and 90% of their thoughts are fear based.

And, and they're reactive. And so that's what is driving their

life. And as as they're getting older, they're their life is

contracting. You know, because that's what happens as you get

older, when you get, you know, I don't know, to a lot of people

in their 60s 70s and 80s. Boy, their life starts to really

contract and it is all happening, basically,

subconsciously. And it made me think of how powerful think it

be it is and that when you have this a synced articulation of

your life, and where you want to go and how you're going to get

there. Boy, that's that's like this locomotive pulling your

life forward, and you're the creator of this life that you're

pulling forward. And it was so impactful for me to, to see

that, that that that's why they that part of their life died and

how easy it is to fix that. But what's your take on all that?

Yeah, no,

I see that completely. And I can't help.

It's so funny when we talk about that think it'd be a method, you

know, and one of the components of method of the method is the

growth. It's a focus on growing. Right. And would it be fair to

say, I mean, do you think that this is true, or that there

could be some validity to this, that oftentimes, when people get

into their 60s 70s, that there isn't a focus on continuing to

grow? To excel? You know, you talked about contracting? Well,

that's the very opposite of growth. Yeah, the opposite of a

growth mindset of, you know, learning new things, new

challenges, things along those lines. And so, you know, I think

that that's one of the things that might happen, you know, as

you age is that, you know, you get into, maybe you're not in

your career, and so that part of your life isn't, you're not

developing a skill anymore, or that's related to your career,

you know, or, you know, there just isn't that focus on

growing. So do you think that that is true, too? And that's

such a critical part of the method. But do you feel like

that could be part of the equation as well?

Absolutely. Kelly, you know, I think, well,

first of all, I think that very few people actually grow,

whether they're in their 20s 30s 40s, or 50s, they think

they're growing more often than not, they're entertaining

themselves, they're not growing in something that is strategic

relative to what they want to accomplish. But I think it's

particularly true when people get in their 60s and 70s, and

80s. And, you know, I, I'm glad you asked this, because one of

the things I've seen in my myself, is my approach to growth

has changed really, over the last year or so I used to try

and read a book a month. And then I'm like, you know, it

takes so long to read a book if you're a slow reader like I am.

And, and, and, you know, I used to be very concerned about

reading about marketing, you know, I mean, we think it be it,

we don't market it. Well, I mean, you know, if people want

to do it, they come to us, and, and, you know, I got a whole

world of teaching it to athletes at the University of Texas. But

besides entrepreneurs, so you know, marketing is just not

something that I am concerned about today, whereas I was big

time concerned about it a year or two ago. And I started to see

how powerful YouTube is, it's basically getting you to

premium, because then you can download videos, and like, just

last week, I'm like, What do I want to grow on? And I decided I

wanted to be more more grateful, have more gratitude, and maybe,

maybe not, I mean, I'm, I'm very grateful and have a lot of

gratitude, but I want to understand it deeper in terms

of, instead of intellectually, thinking I'm grateful for this

grateful for that, I want to feel that gratefulness and just

take it at a deeper level. And so I started watching videos on

YouTube around, you know, learning gratitude at a deeper

level. And, you know, that has been really powerful, but, but

you always got to have something that intellectually you want to

grow in, and because the more you grow, the more it opens up

the rest of your life and other ways to grow. Right.

Yeah, absolutely. You know, and I

think it's critical, I think, just when you stop growing, you

know, what's the opposite of growth? You know, what I mean?

Right down eventually, you know,

I don't know that that I don't necessarily think

it's death as much as it's maybe it's intellectual death. Yeah.

You know, and you know, intellectual death also means

being very fear based and I don't know if you see this with

your, your mom and dad. But as they get older, there's they're

very much wired to fear and, and things that didn't used to

scare. Scare them. Now, right under percent.

Yep. And I think whether it's my parents, whether

it's the parents of friends You know, I see that a lot where

they're in that fear base, you know, their watch or whatever

they're watching on TV is feedings, you know, and then

also, too, it's so interesting. Like, I think, too, we talked

about stories in our prior episode. And, you know, I see so

much, what's the word that I'm looking for lack of fulfillment?

I think some regret. Bitterness? Yeah, you know, and I see in

people who stop who have, quote, unquote, retired, yeah, and then

just kind of what happens, you know, if you're not moving

towards something, if you don't have a plan for, you know,

whether that's growing, whether it's a pot, like, I don't know,

I just feel like, I see it as like the kiss of death from a,

you know, not necessarily like, I want to work until the day I

go, but I want to make an impact and contribute. And, you know,

and I think when that's one of the things when I think about,

like, the book club, you know, that you were talking about are

people that are in that phase of their life who aren't doing

something meaningful to them. Right? How it impacts their

mindset, it impacts the story, they're telling about their

story and their life. You know, what I mean? And again, that

contraction that you're talking about, where everything, you

know, gets small, and you're in that fear based space? And so,

yeah,

you know, I know exactly what you mean, you know,

I think I told you a while back, I went to my high school

reunion, and I'm like, I have nothing in common with these

guys. Nothing. And, and I'm like, that is really

interesting. They're all, you know, on the path to, to landing

the plane and calling it a day. And that's exactly the opposite

of me. And, you know, I now I know, that sounds like, I'm

better than them. And I don't mean it that way. And I've as

I've thought about this, I'm like, What a gift, think it be,

it has been for me, because in the second half of my life, I'll

do this forever. And it's always going to be iterating and

evolving. And, you know, there's this, this group of people that

we teach this to that, that, you know, we take them along that,

that journey as they're, they're doing it and I've now come to

appreciate what a true gift thing can be. It has been to my

life and and as a source to help people and, and I know that you

feel the same way. But as you get older, and as you, you get

to that point where it's time to, quote unquote, retire,

require, re retire from the having to work world, you know,

then you have to recreate what is that? What is my new life

look like, and you got to create something that gives your life

meaning. And that's harder for some people to do than others,

but, but if you really think about it, you can, you can

create a life where you give yourself meaning, where you're

helping other people in some way, and you're not on the nine

to five schedule, and you can sort of do life on your own

terms, but, but at the end of the day, you got to be doing

something that helps other people for your life to have

meaning

100% Nope, I would 100% agree with you. And I

think that's part of the challenge, you know, that I see

with the older people that are around me, you know, again,

parents, their friends and my parents and, you know, in laws

and is just that their world has gotten so small, their career,

their identity was tied up in their work, they didn't do the

work of being like, okay, so that chapter, you know, is is

close, what can I carry with me into this next chapter? Who do I

want to be? What do I want to achieve? Like, it's almost like,

it's when the career is over. Everybody stops, the identity is

over. And it's like, okay, well, like you said, now I'm just

gonna kind of slide into, you know, home and it's like, No, we

got one shot at this man.

You know, I just had lunch with a friend of mine.

And I know I've mentioned her before, but they were my

neighbors here. And you know, unlike Austin, and when I first

moved here, they were my first friends. They live two houses

down and I loved we used we used to party all the time every

night. It was a happy hour, but I watched their nightmare. Our

marriage for 20 years, literally, I mean, it was, they

were always at each other. And I'm like, Oh, just get a

divorce, you know, but I love both of them. Now they are

getting a divorce. And so I sat down with with her about a month

ago. And I'm all excited, I'm like, this is a perfect

opportunity to recreate your life, you she's, she's like 51

now, and you got a blank sheet of paper. And the divorce is

basically about over you can create whatever life you want.

I'm so excited. She's not as excited because she's bogged

down with insecurity and fear of the future and nothing really

pulling her forward. Now she's had to go back to work. And

she's a schoolteacher, and she didn't like being a teacher, and

which, you know, I can understand what a what a great

profession but But I understand, and I saw how your image of

yourself. And again, the stories you tell yourself can hugely

impact whether you really can take that blank sheet of paper

and create the life you want easy for me to see her doing it

because she has so many great qualities. But I was stunned by

how she can't see it. I mean, it was interesting,

it's interesting, when you're in the

middle of something like that, when there's so much emotion

around it, it's easy for you to see it because you're objective

you're not, you're on the outside looking at this amazing

woman and seeing the possibilities for her that she

can't see for herself right now too, because she is in the

middle of this. And again, the stories that she's telling

herself about being in her 50s and divorced, and, you know, all

of that. And so and you know, divorce is such a, you know,

there's a process you've got to go through, you got to you know,

where you're grieving that and like, so she's still going

through all of that stuff. Definitely if the divorce isn't

final, so suddenly on the other side of it, but isn't that

interesting?

Right? Well, I was telling her it of course,

you know, I'm saying, let me show you how to manipulate men.

I mean, men are so easy to manipulate. And she's very

attractive and, and great personality, great sense of

humor. I'm like, you, you're just going to crush it in the

dating world. I mean, you're just going to crush it in. And,

you know, of course, I see so much potential, because she's

right at that 50 year mark that was so transformative in my

life. I'm like, What a life happened after 50 I mean, you

know, I had 50 times the life in it since I've been 50 that I had

in the prior 50 Year 50 years. So you know, it's funny how it

works.

Yeah, lots of opportunity, that's for sure.

And the cool part about it, too, is where she's at. And I think

the great thing that comes with age, we've talked about this in

prior episodes is just the wisdom, you know, comes from

having gone through what you've gone through and, and, you know,

so she's got all of that to pull from to hopefully, you know,

right. So I think the takeaway from this and

again, getting back to the the book club and the for women in

their lives, sort of being in the ditch and in terms of

romance is that your thoughts? Create your actions, and your

actions create the life you have. Therefore, as you go

through life, you've got to have something that's pulling your

thoughts through on a continual basis, because that's affects

your, your actions. And that's exactly what our 12 minute day

methodology does. So, until next time, we'll see you

thanks for listening today. If you've had

your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an

email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So

email us at Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or

John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional