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Stories We Tell Ourselves – Impact Our Behaviors
In this episode John and Kelly talk about the stories we tell ourselves impact our behaviors. These stories are always playing in the background in the subconscious mind. And they drive our behaviors as well as our fears. Oftentimes we need to take a hard look at these stories and see if they are serving us. Often they are not. So you need to go back and look at what actually happened in each story and then may be reinterpret the Takeaway. When you do that, the story changes and it affects your behaviors. John talks about the power of the think it be it methodology. Where you are thinking two times a week, deep thinking. But also doing it in conjunction with another habit. Reading your daily visualization. The combination is powerful. The thinking allows you to identify your stories and maybe reinterpret your stories. Then once they are reinterpreted, you can reprogram yourself with your daily visualization. It’s a powerful combination.
About the Hosts:
John Mitchell
John’s story is pretty amazing. After spending 20 years as an entrepreneur, John was 50 years old but wasn’t as successful as he thought he should be. To rectify that, he decided to find the “top book in the world” on SUCCESS and apply that book literally Word for Word to his life. That Book is Think & Grow Rich. The book says there’s a SECRET for success, but the author only gives you half the secret. John figured out the full secret and a 12 minute a day technique to apply it.
When John applied his 12 minute a day technique to his life, he saw his yearly income go to over $5 million a year, after 20 years of $200k – 300k per year. The 25 times increase happened because John LEVERAGED himself by applying science to his life.
His daily technique works because it focuses you ONLY on what moves the needle, triples your discipline, and consistently generates new business ideas every week. This happens because of 3 key aspects of the leveraging process.
John’s technique was profiled on the cover of Time Magazine. He teaches it at the University of Texas’ McCombs School of Business, which is one the TOP 5 business schools in the country. He is also the “mental coach” for the head athletic coaches at the University of Texas as well.
Reach out to John at john@thinkitbeit.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-mitchell-76483654/
Kelly Hatfield
Kelly Hatfield is an entrepreneur at heart. She believes wholeheartedly in the power of the ripple effect and has built several successful companies aimed at helping others make a greater impact in their businesses and lives.
She has been in the recruiting, HR, and leadership development space for over 25 years and loves serving others. Kelly, along with her amazing business partners and teams, has built four successful businesses aimed at matching exceptional talent with top organizations and developing their leadership. Her work coaching and consulting with companies to develop their leadership teams, design recruiting and retention strategies, AND her work as host of Absolute Advantage podcast (where she talks with successful entrepreneurs, executives, and thought leaders across a variety of industries), give her a unique perspective covering the hiring experience and leadership from all angles.
As a Partner in her most recent venture, Think It Be It, Kelly has made the natural transition into the success and human achievement field, helping entrepreneurs break through to the next level in their businesses. Further expanding the impact she’s making in this world. Truly living into the power of the ripple effect.
Reach out to Kelly at kelly@thinkitbeit.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelly-hatfield-2a2610a/
Learn more about Think It Be It at https://thinkitbeit.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/think-it-be-it-llc
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thinkitbeitcompany
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Transcript
We believe life is precious. This is it. We've
Kelly Hatfield:got one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to
Kelly Hatfield:maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our
Kelly Hatfield:full potential.
John Mitchell:Are you living up to your potential? Are you
John Mitchell:frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't
John Mitchell:seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next
John Mitchell:level. So you can impact your career relationships and health.
Kelly Hatfield:If this is hitting home, you're in the
Kelly Hatfield:right place. Our mission is to open the door to the exceptional
Kelly Hatfield:life by showing you how to play the game of life at a higher
Kelly Hatfield:level. So you're playing at your full potential, rather than at a
Kelly Hatfield:fraction as most people do. We'll share the one thing that
Kelly Hatfield:once we learned it, our lives were transformed. And once you
Kelly Hatfield:learn it, watch what happens. Welcome to think it'd be the
Kelly Hatfield:podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.
John Mitchell:Hey. And I'm John Michell. Today,
Kelly Hatfield:we are going to dive into the topic of stories
Kelly Hatfield:that we tell ourselves and how that informs how we kind of move
Kelly Hatfield:through the world. So what do you think, John?
John Mitchell:I love it. Love it. I think it's so true. Those
John Mitchell:stories that we unconsciously tell ourselves that are from
John Mitchell:decades old, darn sure impact our behaviors.
Kelly Hatfield:Yeah, absolutely. And it's
Kelly Hatfield:interesting, you know, so let's talk a little bit about that.
Kelly Hatfield:Because the story is, your story is your story. Right? So let's
Kelly Hatfield:do a little bit of clarification here. Your story is your story,
Kelly Hatfield:the events of your life happened, they've unfolded, how
Kelly Hatfield:they've unfolded. But then there's the narrative, which is
Kelly Hatfield:the story that you're telling about your story? Right? Yeah.
Kelly Hatfield:And so that's kind of what, what we're talking about is how you
Kelly Hatfield:choose to interpret the events of your life. And how that
Kelly Hatfield:informs like your subconscious, and the actions that you're
Kelly Hatfield:taking today, based on kind of that narrative that you have
Kelly Hatfield:around your story.
John Mitchell:Right, right. You know, it's I think this is a
John Mitchell:great topic, because I see that, that, yes, things have happened
John Mitchell:in your life, and you gotta define just actually what
John Mitchell:happened, not, uh, not giving meaning to it, just what
John Mitchell:actually happened. And, you know, I was working with a
John Mitchell:client last week that was talking about the mistakes that
John Mitchell:he had made in his life, you know? And I'm like, why were
John Mitchell:they mistakes? You, you, you did what you thought was best at the
John Mitchell:time based on all the information you you had, but he
John Mitchell:perceives that he made mistakes. And I suspect you're like I am,
John Mitchell:where I'm like, you know, I've never really made a mistake, as
John Mitchell:is, you know, I did what I thought was best. And now I can
John Mitchell:look back and realize that that was not maybe the best course of
John Mitchell:action. But it doesn't really feel like a mistake. Now. I'm
John Mitchell:more experienced not to not to do the same thing. But what do
John Mitchell:you think about that?
Kelly Hatfield:Yeah, absolutely. I think it's goes
Kelly Hatfield:back to that framing, right? It's this idea of is life
Kelly Hatfield:happening to you? Or is life happening for you? Because the
Kelly Hatfield:one put is in that victim space, like all of these bad things
Kelly Hatfield:have happened for me, to me, therefore, I life has been
Kelly Hatfield:really hard for me, or it's hard for me to overcome this or why
Kelly Hatfield:me? And then there's the other mindset, that is like, okay, all
Kelly Hatfield:of these things have happened. What am I supposed to have
Kelly Hatfield:learned? What was I supposed to have learned as a result of
Kelly Hatfield:going through that? You know, you know, so it's, it's just
Kelly Hatfield:again, what is the narrative? You're telling about your story?
Kelly Hatfield:You know, so there's been many times, you know, where things
Kelly Hatfield:haven't been going well, in business, I think I've talked
Kelly Hatfield:about like, the first two years of being in business for me, my
Kelly Hatfield:first two years back in Oh, wait, and no, oh, nine, we're in
Kelly Hatfield:the depths of a recession. And my first business had to do with
Kelly Hatfield:hiring, you know, and so it literally was, okay. You know,
Kelly Hatfield:questioning yourself. You know, am I doing the right thing,
Kelly Hatfield:there were lots of tears, right? You know, and it's like, no,
Kelly Hatfield:okay, this path. If I if I can make it through this, I can make
Kelly Hatfield:it through anything. You know, and like, these different things
Kelly Hatfield:that I've gone through in the past have prepared me for this.
Kelly Hatfield:You know, like you're okay, you can make it through everything.
Kelly Hatfield:Anything. You've done this, but you've done hard stuff before.
Kelly Hatfield:For and needed out the other side. And that was kind of the
Kelly Hatfield:story I was telling myself versus it would have been really
Kelly Hatfield:easy to go well, you know, timing was terrible, you know,
Kelly Hatfield:I, this stuff always happens, you know, and to thrown up my
Kelly Hatfield:hands and and, and given up and give it and used it as an excuse
Kelly Hatfield:to not move forward. But it was like, No, I've done hard stuff
Kelly Hatfield:before. All right, it's not going to be the picture of what
Kelly Hatfield:I wanted it to be. I'm gonna have to pivot and do some stuff,
Kelly Hatfield:some offer some services I didn't want to offer, but I need
Kelly Hatfield:to make any money. So it was, you know, I think the different
Kelly Hatfield:framing can either put you into solution mode, or it can put you
Kelly Hatfield:into that victim and kind of feeling paralyzed mode.
John Mitchell:Right. You know, let's think about this idea. The
John Mitchell:story should tell her yourself. You know, I think most of the
John Mitchell:stories are, are not verbalized, to other people, at least not
John Mitchell:verbalized very often. Do you think that's true?
Kelly Hatfield:Um, I think that's true. I think a lot of
Kelly Hatfield:what's happening is happening in our internal dialogue. Yeah,
Kelly Hatfield:subconsciously, under the, you know, like, like, we've talked
Kelly Hatfield:about where it's kind of running behind the scenes. Yeah. So
Kelly Hatfield:yeah, I mean, some people are better at it than others, you
Kelly Hatfield:know, about sharing their stories. And, but I think a lot
Kelly Hatfield:of exactly what you're saying a lot of those stories happen
Kelly Hatfield:internally,
John Mitchell:you know, I, this idea of this internal dialogue,
John Mitchell:I completely agree with you, but I see how fundamentally weak,
John Mitchell:the, the internal dialogue that we have with ourselves is
John Mitchell:because it's very fluid. It's not, you're not necessarily
John Mitchell:saying to yourself specific words, it's just sort of a
John Mitchell:feeling semi feelings, semi words, dialogue, and it is so
John Mitchell:easy to fix that, you know, through through our methodology.
John Mitchell:When when you say, Okay, wait a minute, I'm fixing the stories
John Mitchell:that I'm telling myself, because I'm now in my visualization, you
John Mitchell:can articulate precisely with words, what happened? What was
John Mitchell:the takeaway from it? What did I learn? And I'm gonna articulate
John Mitchell:those words to myself every day to now change how I am,
John Mitchell:subconsciously, as well as emotionally. Does that make
John Mitchell:sense?
Kelly Hatfield:Yep, absolutely. And I think one other technique
Kelly Hatfield:in terms of that, so the visualization a number one,
Kelly Hatfield:that's a great way to do exactly, reprogram that
Kelly Hatfield:subconscious. The other thing that I find very useful, is if
Kelly Hatfield:part of the thinking time, and we've talked about this in
Kelly Hatfield:earlier episodes, where I will literally like so if I feel like
Kelly Hatfield:I am in a place of worry, that's one of my behaviors, one a
Kelly Hatfield:behavior that I have in my visualization, but one of the
Kelly Hatfield:techniques that I use is inside my thinking time. I'm like,
Kelly Hatfield:Okay, what is the so whatever the challenge is, what is the
Kelly Hatfield:story? I'm telling myself about this? Okay, write that down.
Kelly Hatfield:What's, what are the facts? Yeah, now, let's go over what
Kelly Hatfield:the facts are, you know, and then is that true? You know, is
Kelly Hatfield:it absolutely true? You know, so like, I'll go through an
Kelly Hatfield:exercise in that thinking time, that helps me completely reframe
Kelly Hatfield:it, where I'm like, Okay, I'm breaking that bad, you know, or
Kelly Hatfield:I won't label it bad, good or otherwise, but I'm breaking that
Kelly Hatfield:behavior that doesn't serve me by being very intentional about
Kelly Hatfield:how I'm going to process this. Does that make sense?
John Mitchell:Absolutely. You know, Kelly, I'm really glad you
John Mitchell:brought that that up. And and for the audience that doesn't
John Mitchell:know exactly what she's talking about, you know, we have a
John Mitchell:technique of setting aside time two times a week to just think,
John Mitchell:to what we call deep think and, and, you know, think about this,
John Mitchell:this is something I've thought about lately a lot about our
John Mitchell:methodology is, is the thinking is goes hand in hand with the
John Mitchell:visualization where you're feeding the succinct
John Mitchell:articulation of your life. Well, the thinking is where you do you
John Mitchell:look at those stories, you shape those stories, you reframe those
John Mitchell:stories, you give new meaning to the stories. And so that's sort
John Mitchell:of the guiding part of your life and then when you think it
John Mitchell:through, then you put it on your visualization to impact your
John Mitchell:subconscious mind and your daily action. And so the combination
John Mitchell:of those two together is what makes our methodology so
John Mitchell:powerful, don't you think?
Kelly Hatfield:Oh, 100%, you know, so I would want an action
Kelly Hatfield:item for those that are tuned in and listening right now is start
Kelly Hatfield:to identify, you know, what are some of those stories that
Kelly Hatfield:you're telling yourself that are holding you back? You know, and
Kelly Hatfield:you can look at some of the different areas in your life to
Kelly Hatfield:see where maybe you're, you've been stuck, or aren't making
Kelly Hatfield:progress, that might be the first place to start? And just
Kelly Hatfield:ask yourself, like, Okay, what's the what is the narrative? For
Kelly Hatfield:you around? You know, why this hasn't progressed? Or, you know,
Kelly Hatfield:that's a really great way to kind of get started with
Kelly Hatfield:thinking about, you know, what are some of those obstacles? Or
Kelly Hatfield:things you're having a challenge moving, past or achieving? Or?
Kelly Hatfield:Because a lot of the time it has to do with that subconscious?
Kelly Hatfield:You know, again, 95% of our thoughts are at the subconscious
Kelly Hatfield:level, and they're comprised of those stories. So what's your
Kelly Hatfield:narrative? You know, is your narrative going to serve your
Kelly Hatfield:subconscious? Or is it going to do the opposite? You know, so
Kelly Hatfield:for me, I look at all of the experiences that I've had, you
Kelly Hatfield:know, so we'll speak specifically about, like, some
Kelly Hatfield:of the things that haven't gone well, or challenges I've had to
Kelly Hatfield:overcome, or maybe some horrible things that I've experienced,
Kelly Hatfield:I'm I wouldn't change, as as terrible as a couple of them
Kelly Hatfield:were, I wouldn't change anything, because they're part
Kelly Hatfield:of this path. They're part of what made me I've learned so
Kelly Hatfield:much, and become a better human being as a result of those
Kelly Hatfield:experiences, and have been able to serve at a different level at
Kelly Hatfield:because I've had those experiences. And so again,
Kelly Hatfield:that's how I've chosen to frame that rather than that being in
Kelly Hatfield:that place where, you know, that victim hood has such a negative
Kelly Hatfield:connotation, and but it's easy to go there, because that's what
Kelly Hatfield:we're designed to do, you know, what I mean, we talked about
Kelly Hatfield:human fallacies, you know, the other day, in a previous
Kelly Hatfield:episode, and that's what you're designed to do is to, you know,
Kelly Hatfield:go to the negative So, right, again, just how you frame your,
Kelly Hatfield:your narrative.
John Mitchell:Yeah, I, you know, I, I think, you know,
John Mitchell:based on our methodology, the way you you do life is is to
John Mitchell:have the exceptional life is yes, you start by thinking two
John Mitchell:times a week, and, and thinking through your life and figuring
John Mitchell:out your life and discovering whatever the challenges are, and
John Mitchell:thinking through it. Any problem in your life is ultimately
John Mitchell:solved, either from thinking through it, or getting the
John Mitchell:outset side input of somebody else. So that thinking time two
John Mitchell:times week is step one. And then step two, is now we got to turn
John Mitchell:that thinking into being showing up with a proper actions
John Mitchell:happening automatically. And that's where having the succinct
John Mitchell:articulation of your life and feeding it to yourself 12
John Mitchell:minutes a day, boom, that, in fact, that affects your your
John Mitchell:daily actions and your mindset, and gives you this immense sense
John Mitchell:of control over your life. But the two are so intertwined
John Mitchell:together, that together, they're powerful.
Kelly Hatfield:Well, it's funny, John, I remember when we
Kelly Hatfield:first met years ago, and part of the process of building your
Kelly Hatfield:visualization is filling out this questionnaire. And this
Kelly Hatfield:goes to the point of thinking time, and those two things going
Kelly Hatfield:hand in hand, because I hadn't sat down, and like really
Kelly Hatfield:thought deeply about anything. I was running as fast as I could
Kelly Hatfield:and had been for years, you know, and just really, in that
Kelly Hatfield:kind of reactive mode, and, yeah, there was planning, there
Kelly Hatfield:was a business plan, you know, that had dust on it, you know, I
Kelly Hatfield:hadn't looked at developed it, you know, but in terms of
Kelly Hatfield:thinking deeply about my life, and my business, and some of the
Kelly Hatfield:it was a hard practice, and I remember so much of what I did
Kelly Hatfield:was at the surface, you know, and then you're like, nope, try
Kelly Hatfield:again. Right? And then going deeper and deeper. My point
Kelly Hatfield:being, this can be a challenge at first because you're if you
Kelly Hatfield:aren't doing this and setting aside time to think regularly,
Kelly Hatfield:and to think deeply and to just be with yourself and Write your
Kelly Hatfield:thoughts down and this can feel intimidating. It can. What's the
Kelly Hatfield:word I'm looking for? And you can feel inadequate, you can
Kelly Hatfield:because you're just it's something you have to train
Kelly Hatfield:yourself to do is my point. And so for those of you that are
Kelly Hatfield:like, Well, geez, what do I even think about when I, you know, or
Kelly Hatfield:what do I write down during this thinking time? You know, we have
Kelly Hatfield:a whole video on this, right? We can put the link to the, to the
Kelly Hatfield:thinking time video for people to watch and learn more about
Kelly Hatfield:how to do this because it is an art. And it does take some
Kelly Hatfield:practice.
John Mitchell:Right, right. Yeah, it's a it's a simple
John Mitchell:process. I mean, but But yes, in fact, if you if you want it,
John Mitchell:send an email to John at think it'd be a.com. And, and I'll
John Mitchell:give it to you. And you know, one other thing that's
John Mitchell:interesting, that's, that's sort of related to this. I have seen
John Mitchell:and this This changed in my visualization. Maybe a year ago,
John Mitchell:where I saw the and I got this from Jordan Peterson said that
John Mitchell:there's power in being what he calls an articulate creature.
John Mitchell:And so I now explain, think it be it to people that come to me
John Mitchell:very succinctly and clearly. And I've, and I've written that out,
John Mitchell:what do I do? When somebody says, What do you do? I have
John Mitchell:what what I tell them? I do, and I have seen the power from
John Mitchell:feeding that to myself each day. That now, I mean, when somebody
John Mitchell:asked me, boy, I am right on point I can I can drive it home,
John Mitchell:from their perspective of not knowing anything, about 20 times
John Mitchell:more effective than I could three years ago, because I just,
John Mitchell:you know, train my subconscious mind to know exactly what to
John Mitchell:say, relative to the viewpoint of the listener. And that's been
John Mitchell:a powerful lesson. But to ramp this up, again, is this idea of
John Mitchell:the stories we tell ourselves, drive our behaviors, there's a
John Mitchell:way for you to change your interpretation of the stories.
John Mitchell:And from that, through the methodology we have, you can
John Mitchell:change behaviors and those change behaviors can recreate
John Mitchell:your life. So, with that as a summary, until next time, we'll
John Mitchell:see ya.
Kelly Hatfield:Thanks for listening today. If you've had
Kelly Hatfield:your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an
Kelly Hatfield:email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So
Kelly Hatfield:email us at Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or
Kelly Hatfield:John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life